Blah...Blah...Blah

This is how I have felt since Christmas...you know that feeling you get when you think you are coming down with something...YUP-that is how I have been feeling.  We get the flu-mist every season and this is usually the extent of it---just a couple of  "off" feeling days.  Fingers crossed.  That mixed with coming off of my Christmas high...great combo.   Blah!

Tragedy Brings Out Beauty

This past couple of weeks has been a blur.  So many things going on -so much sadness and beauty.  Our community lost a true angel, Kelsey Michelson.  She was diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor a year and a hlf ago and fought the good fight.  She touched so many lives in our community with her positive attitude and infectious smile and also taught so many young ppl the harsh reality of life and exactly how short it can be.  Then as Kelsey is being layed to rest another tragedy of a different breed unfolds in at Sandy Hook elementary in CT.  So many unanswered questions and horror.  I can't even begin to imagine how they are coping.  It makes me sick to my stomach and so depressed...yet I find myself watching CNN and all the news shows after the family goes to bed every night.  Then we are hit with a blizzard and there is an accident on I35 involvong more than 30 vehicles...one of which a young Mother (age 27) got out of her vehicle to check on her baby in the backseat and was struck and killed-she was also pregnant with twins.  I can't make sense of any of it... I truely believe that God hand picks the "angels" he send to teach us all lessons. I have seen it happen so many times. They say, "Tragedy Brings out Beauty"...and it does. The beauty generosity, love, support, friendhip, thankfulness and forgiveness. It is a rude awakening to some of all the "little" things that we take for granted each and every day.  I know I need to remind myself constantly to "not sweat the small stuff". 

 

It's that time of year...

I will NOT be a GRINCH....I will NOT be a GRINCH....I will NOT be a GRINCH.....why do I feel like the GRINCH????  Yes, here it is...THAT time of year...let my "funk" begin.  I really can't quite pin it down...why I get in a funk this time of year.  Instead of being happy and joyful I become sad and miserable...grouchy and "funky".  I know I should be happy and full of Christmas cheer...and I REALLY want to be, I do.  But my heart always hurts this time of year...because I know so many other hearts are hurting.  Even though nothing directly has happened to ME I can't help but think of all of the people who are sad this time of year...and that makes me sad.  People that have lost loved ones...children...have gone through a divorce...illness...so many things I choose to think about.  I guess it doesn't help in the least when you look outside and it is gray and all the trees, flowers, grass are dead either. What is wrong with me?  Why do I seem to take EVERYTHING to heart?  Why am I a negative Nellie????  Why do I watch Nancy Grace and 48 hours and the nightly news?   It seems that I can't escape these things-yet, I can...but I choose to watch.  These things make me cry...I guess I must like to cry and feel miserable.  I don't know where this is going...just rambling on.  I need to turn this frown upside down and be happy...how hard is it, really?  They say that being happy is a choice---I think I need to make better choices.... I will NOT be a GRINCH!

What a Day Can Bring...

Well, here I am AGAIN.  I can't seem to get into blogging---or rather, I fear what I may say...as I have mentioned before, I have A LOT to say.  A lot has went on since my last entry.  A LOT.  I don't really even know where to begin, so, I guess I will begin with what my daily prayers and thoughts belong to these past 4 months.  The "C" word has entered my life again.  My Sister's partner, Steph was diagnosed with Stage 4 Lung cancer on July 20th.  I will forever remember THAT day...THAT call-from Steph herself...the drive to pick up my sister-not so much (I'm lying-as I wish I could forget the drive)...the look on Angie's face when I arrived-embeded in my memory forever..and the embraces we all shared that day-will forever be with me.  It is SO crazy how you never-EVER know what you will wake up to and what the day ahead of you will bring.  How you can wake up refreshed and renewed ready to tackle the day and how in an instant your views on life and your whole perspective can drastically change.  Then, in that very same day you are wishing that the day had never happened or that you would just wake up from this nightmare--but you can't and you aren't in control and you are totally and completely POWERLESS-HELPLESS to change a single thing about it.  I went from enjoying a day off-shopping at Lowe's for paint to paint our front door with (the biggest challege of that day was going to be wondering if I made the right paint choice- to my day ended somewhere around 3am that following morning-crying myself to sleep and begging God to fogive me for cursing him the entire drive to Newton.  I must say, that to this day I still worry about how angry I was with God that day and that I cursed him-screaming NO, No, No...this isn't fair...WHY GOD, Why, WHY???  I refuse to type some other choice words that I used.  I'm sure anyone passing my car on the interstate that day that got a glance of me (bawling-pounding my fists on the steering wheel and screaming) would have been very afraid for their safety and mine.  You just never EVER know what the day will bring.  Every morning as I wake up I first say a prayer thanking God for the day.  I used to primarily pray at night before bed..and I still do..but I also say a prayer of "Thanks" in the mornings as well.   I have painted many rooms since that July day---and I must say, that every time I go into Lowe's the memory of that phone call I received as I was leaving that store that day still haunts me.  A few months have passed and this rollercoaster of cancer is rolling right along.  We are so very thankful and have recieved more good news than bad.  Steph's type of cancer was operable and she is in a much better situation than we were originally told she was in so we feel very thankful and blessed.  She is undergoing chemo right now and will finish up in February...Steph is a STRONG cookie and will beat this.  It is so true that your life can change in an instant...you never know what a day can bring.

What I LOVE about Sunday

Sunday is here again...I have a love/dislike relationship with Sunday.  I dislike Sunday b/c I know it means going back to work in one short day.  I LOVE Sunday b/c I LOVE church (although I don't get there as often as I like).  Church is therapy to me...some days I even go alone.  I love the feeling I get when the door swings open and I am greeted with a hand-shake, pat on the back or sometimes a (((HUG))).  I love the music (which makes me cry) and the sermon is ALWAYS theraputic & healing for my soul (and yes I cry).  I usually don't sit by "friends"-for me it is not a social gathering...it is just for me to focus and receive the message.  Don't get me wrong...I'm not opposed to sitting with friends, that is just not why I go.  It puts me back in  my place to begin each week anew with a revived spirit which these days can be easily drained.  Speaking of, I better skeedaddle and go get ready.  Have a GREAT Sunday! 

I'm Ba---aaaack~and hopefully for good this time.

Well, here I am.  I am here.  I think I will give this blogging thing another shot.  I'm on Facebook & I occasionally "Tweet",  I LOVE Instagram & am TOTALLY addicted to Pinterest- so Blogging seems to be the next step with my computer and social networking addiction.  I have a lot to say and I find that writing is VERY theraputic for me..and lately..I need ALL the therapy I can get.  This will more than likely end up being a place that I will use to vent, brag and just ramble on...and on.  It always seems like I have a lot to say.  ENJOY...or not.