Wow-it has def been a while since I have blogged....well, I guess I can't even say that I "blog" since I really don't share it with anyone-yet.  Not sure what I'm afraid of---other than letting my emotions get away with me and saying something that will make someone think less of me.  I worry about being "Emotionally Slutty"  I guess.  Everyone who really know me KNOWS that I wear my heart on my sleeve and I'm a worrier.  I am a coward.  I am a lot of things.  I "label" myself daily...don't we all?  Just like this blog---I quit it-so, I'm a quitter.  I didn't go on my nightly walk tonight-so. I'm lazy.....I could go on and on with the labeling.  I need to focus on the "positive" labels that I AM...a Mother, Wife, Sister, Daughter, Friend...and a good one at that, I THINK (there I go, doubting....always doubting).  I think I am pretty good at all of those things...I love people deeply, I think I am caring and loving, but am I???  Or am I delusional???  We all know those people who we just don't understand - they are a little crazy, seem to think of only themselves, overly sensitive, negative, bitchy, moody and everything always needs to be on their terms and what works for them...and you just don't understand why they are the way they are.  But then I question how my friends/family sees me?  What do I really look like from the outside looking in.  I do think if most of us could see ourselves from the outside and see our emotions in play and how we react to things good/bad/ugly we would probably not even realize that we are the way we are.  I know so many people who really don't even realize how they ARE...I see many types of people every day - mostly in a not so comfortable experience for them...I have learned a lot.  I have learned how people's emotions really control their actions and to not take some things so seriously.  These days I pour out kindness no matter how I am being treated and keep giving it even if it is not be reciprocated.  I have been choosing to act in a way that makes me feel good about myself...no more re-acting to others emotions and actions.  It can be difficult at times, but this is how I choose for others to see me.  <3

What ever will the New Year bring...

Here we are---the 1st week of the new year is winding down.  Winter break will soon be over and we can finally get back into a routine.  I have spent a lot of time the past couple of weeks re-evaluating my "routine".  So many things become routine and for the most part it is a good thing.  Some other "rountine" things...not so much. I have a good feeling about this year.  My BIG question is if I can REALLY change the way I think.  I am trying hard---with having the same mind-set for 41 years this won't be an easy task.  Our thoughts say a lot about us.  I need to start being a more positive person-think like a positive person-or LEARN how to fake it.  I need to look on the bright side of things...I need to THINK differently.  I think if I can THINK differently then all of the other "resolutions" I have will fall into place.  I also want to eat healthier and make better choices when it comes to food and take better care of myself.   I want relax more and worry less-this scriptures will be my mantra:

 “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding” (Proverbs 3:5 NIV). Why is trusting in God good for your health? Because when you trust him, you don’t worry.

Psalm 116:7 says, “I said to myself, ‘Relax, because the LORD is going to take care of you" If you really trust in God, you’re going to be less stressed.

I do have choices-

•  I can either worry or worship
•  I can either pray or panic

The more I pray, the less I’ll panic.

Sounds good to me!  Now the hard part...turning these ideals into thoughts into actions.